Wanted To make him happy
by the-scary-girl-next-door
Summary: After a night fighting with his darker side Remus Lupin returns home only to be asked What’s your deepest fantasy?” ANGST remustonks Implied remuslily


Tonks couldn't sleep. Maybe it was the fact she had been on duty for the last 12 hours and her mind was still digesting every scrap of useless information she had gathered, but there was a nagging feeling that she had forgotten something. _Something important. _

It's stupid, isn't it, the way you remember exactly how many bites it took Sirius to finish his cheese sandwich, (3 by the way), but you completely forgot the important stuff like…

"Well, if I knew that, I wouldn't be having this stupid mental conversation, would I?" she said aloud, shocking herself with the loudness of her voice in the eerily quiet room. Mundungus was sleeping in the next room grunted rhinoceros-like before going back to sleep.

Sirius had done that on purpose - put her in the room next to 'ol Dung. Tonks just thanked her lucky stars that Dumbledore had forbid them from bringing 'guests' back to Grimmauld Place, as she wouldn't have got a moment's sleep due to the parchment thin walls. But she wasn't getting much sleep at the moment anyway….

She lay in bed for 10 minutes longer, counting Golden Snitches to try and make her fall to sleep, but her mind kept getting invaded by images of Mundungus and random individuals (Molly, Minerva , Snape). She sat up quickly at the thought of the last pair. "Ewww!"

12:40, sat downstairs in the kitchen, a cup of hot chocolate clasped in her hands, Tonks took a deep draft of the chocolate mingled with the stale air into her lungs. She felt completely awake now. Sipping her drink absentmindedly, she morphed different parts of her body to resemble kitchen appliances, making her giggle in a childish way, until she understood how completely immature she must look and stopped quickly. The clock read 12:43. She hated being so young - no one ever took her seriously. Maybe it was the pink hair…

She would ask Sirius. He was always fiddling around with his own hair. "The vain git!" Tonks laughed, remembering the time Sirius had got chewing gum stuck in his tresses and how he had to sit with a bag of garden peas on his head to freeze the gum off. He hadn't spoken to her for a week after that incident. Remus said Sirius just had a big ego. Tonks knew better. It had been her gum…

She Apparated quickly to her cousin's room and promptly shielded her eyes at the sight of Sirius' hands dangerously near his crotch area.

"OH MERLIN, SIRIUS, YOU SHOULD PUT UP A SIGN WHEN YOUR DOING THAT," she screamed, reminding Sirius of that odd green faced witch that in a Muggle film had melted when the American girl had thrown water at her - the one James had dressed up as for Halloween . He had looked so gay - how Sirius wished he had a camera.

"I'm meltttttttttting!" Sirius grinned at the memory sadly. "What are you laughing at?" Tonks demanded.

"Well, what did you expect?" Sirius raised an eyebrow mischievously while pulling the bed clothes up to his chin. "Dumbly won't allow anyone to bring anyone home and I've been stuck in prison for the last 13 years. Hello." He waved his hand, making Tonks screech again. "How do you _think_ I've stayed sane?"

Shooting him a deadly glare as she backed towards the door, he muttered something like, "Well, I don't see you coming up with any other ideas."

"I'm your cousin!"

He grinned again. "Since when has that stopped our family?"

She left the question hanging and left Sirius and Sirius Jr. alone.

By the time she got back to the kitchen she decided she would rather run away than look Sirius in the eye the following morning. And her hot chocolate was now cold…

"That's just great," Tonks said. A shuffling noise behind her made her spin round quickly and she crossed into the corridor of the old house, thoughts of incest gone for all of two seconds while she pulled her wand out of the pocket of her robe.

"Remus?" she asked the figure who was now quickly closing the door and bolting it shut with his wand. The man in question bowed his head and hurried quickly up the stairs. He climbed the stairs two at a time and just reached the top when a cracking noise signalled the Apparition of Tonks.

"Remus John Lupin, don't you dare walk away from me."

The man didn't reply.

Tonks continued to glare at him for a few more seconds before saying, "Ok, what's your problem? You look stoned or something." No sooner were the words out of her mouth - then she winced, the happy feeling in her stomach completely gone. "Sorry. I forgot."

Remus laughed suddenly. At the sound of his voice, Tonks jumped and wobbled uncertainly on the edge of the stairs and his arm came out to steady her.

"Careful…" the werewolf said. His voice was rough and harsh (from too much crying, Tonks thought), but he smiled sadly at her and gestured at her to take a seat on the cold wooden floorboards.

They sat content to be in each others company for a while. His robe was more battered than ever and one sleeve was hanging off altogether. Both his eyes were red, the left with hardly any more than a slit wide.

"I wish I could forget," Remus said flatly, and a fresh wound on his face meant he would soon have another scar to add to his collection.

"You know us girls have to go through hell once a month too?" she joked, hoping to get him out of his foul mood.

"I think I would prefer that to turning into a bloody wolf," Remus replied dryly. At this Tonks, burst out into a coughing fit that sounded oddly like "poof"

"You _do _like women don't you, Remus?" she asked on a more serious note. "Because I can set you up with one of my friends Lance who's-"

"Remember," he said, cutting her off quickly. "I am an _evil _werewolf so I'd be careful about what you say next," he said without a hint of humour.

"You can't hide behind being a werewolf forever, you know that? We all have problems - I'm basically a Black, remember that? We're as screwed up as it gets."

"Oh and now who's hiding behind an excuse?" he asked mockingly

"Well, we could always run off together and join a freak show…" Tonks mused.

"We should talk to Sirius; he's the biggest freak out of us all." Remus noted.

"It's the inbreeding," she said off handily, before adding quickly, "Maybe we should talk to Sirius later, I'm sure he's _sleeping_," thoughts of the previous encounter with her cousin scarring her mind once more.

"As should you be, Nymphadora." She rolled her eyes and ignored his comment.

Slowly and with a grunt of pain, Remus stood up. He yawned. "Night, or what's left of it anyway," he said, and limped off in the direction of his room.

She hated the idea of him being so upset and depressed. After all, Remus was Remus. And transforming never got any easier on him - in fact, tonight he seemed older than ever before.

"Remus?" Tonks called after him. He spun round quickly. The girl was standing now and staring at him. "What's your deepest fantasy?" she said throatily, hardly aware she was indeed saying this to Remus Lupin of all people. Tonks had changed her hair so that it cascaded down her neck in golden ringlets. "Do you go for ditzy yellow-haired ladies? Or for a vicious brunette?"

Lupin shook his head. "What the hell has brought this on?"

"I'm just curious." She smiled secretly.

"I think you should go to bed," he stated with fatherly concern.

"Not without you, _lover_."

Remus shook his head again.

"Or is it a person? If you could do it with anyone who would it be?"

Remus started to speak but Tonks continued regardless. "I hear Narcissa was pretty back in the day…" She scrunched up her eyes quickly and transformed into the Malfoy in question. "Or that busty bird Sirius is always on about? Or Hermione?" Again, she had changed shape so a replica of the Gryffindor stood in front of him. "And before you say anything, she's legal now anyway."

"No she's not, you have to be 17." He stated. He seemed old beyond his years now.

"But she's Muggle born and that's 16."

"Nymphadora, I don't want-"

He stopped. She had changed again. Her hair fell softly about her face in crimson locks that couldn't even be matched by the Weasleys. She was slightly taller too. And… and… the eyes… The green orbs seemed to smile at him more than her mouth did. They sparkled, encapsulated with life. "Or Lily?" Tonks whispered softly.

He took a step backwards, quickly banging into the door to his room. They stood for a second in complete silence, and not that Remus would notice -his eyes never left her face- but Tonk's hands were shaking. The taboo that had been Lily hurt more than ever and involuntarily Remus thought of James and the mental answer he got back stung like being slapped: _he__'__s dead._

"Remus?" She stepped towards him. He didn't move. He couldn't…

-----

Remus lay in bed; light flitted and played through the shabby curtains. Particles of dust caught the light and became fireflies swimming, suspended in the breeze.

It was funny, he thought. He had loved Lily, loved her as much as James did - maybe more. Everyone said how James and Lily made the perfect fairytale couple, he himself had even commented on it. And then while James when out drinking, he had sat with Lily, crying into his shoulder… and that had happened many a night…

But she was dead. Had been a long time. And he had grieved… Oh yes, he'd done that.

But he had got over her. He _had_ to. And had learnt that the heart doesn't stay broken forever.

It hadn't been Lily he was thinking about when he kissed her and made love to her. It had been her—_Tonks_—if only she knew how he felt.

-----

She sat at the kitchen table. Only one thought on her mind: 'I wanted to make him happy, I'd do anything to make him happy.' She didn't even notice when Sirius came down and gave her the most perverted grin ever…


End file.
